I pursued the subject with fervour and energy. Apart from Hirshfeld, Stekel, Ellis and a couple of others, none of the 'major' psychologists (Freud, Jung and Adler) ever mentioned it. Today, it is quite unusual to pick up a book on abnormal psychology that does not devote a couple of paragraphs to the subject. But tush, I digress.

I had my first exposure to pornography while in the air force in Cairo and Israel and spent pretty well all myfree time searching for material to feed my TV fantasies. Some of my letters home at that time must have become an intolerable bur- den to my wife at that time as in my letters home I was for ever demanding that she feed my TV fantasies. I had told M all about my flawed character before we got married. I think, what she didn't appreciate at the time, was my total preoccupation with my little 'weakness'; if the Harpie inside me was not placat- ed once every ten days or so I'd become tense and irrascible. A- part from thid, M was reasonably tolerant and accepting. We had four children and stayed married for 16 years. M denied that she wanted out because I was a TV. Seeing this in the kindest light possible, I suppose she outgrew me; that's one of the hazards of marrying too young.....she was 18 and I was 21.

After the war I had several stabs at psychiatric treatment, the first being 18 months at Tara in Johannesburg while still in uniform (blue). Dr Alice C. suggested that I have insulin shock therapy. I.S.T. may work on some people but had no ef- fect whatever on "psychopathic personalities, type III " which is what I was diagnosed to be. Without a doubt, all the treat- ments I exposed myself to be- tween 1946 and 1956, I was

merely being dishonest and self- deceiving. It was, as Peter Shaffer points out in his play EQUIS,to trade an impulse that affords. such exquisite pleasure for a 'slice' of pallid normality..... no wonder I resisted and merely toyed with the treatments.

was

The first marriage ably happy, for the first 10 years anyway. M was the eldest daugh- ter of a large but very poor fami- ly. She was highly intelligent and eventually took a Ph.D. My public appearance took place in thes freer, more relaxed, any- thing goes, sort of atmosphere. A younger sister-in-law used to be highly taken with me dressing up as a woman from time to time. (Little did she know that I did

so many, many more times than she ever realised.) If she had a friend staying for the weekend she'd be the one to suggest that I dress up as a girl to surprise Millie (or whoever). A certain judge was necessary to know when these capers could be indulged in with more or less impugnity.

My marriage now is happy enough (going on for 21 years now.) S is pretty understanding and provided I do not dress too often, she takes it in her stride and is not particularly disturbed by it. S too, is an exceptionally bright woman with a career of her own and is something of a national quiz champion. It was in

one of her woman's (NOVA) who lean over back- wards to be sweet and accom-

modating to certain minority groups, that we learned of the existence of the Beaumont Soci- ety which I promptly joined although my membership has since lapsed. I have never felt any great need to belong to ....sorry Estelle, but that's the

truth. If one enjoys the company of other TVs for reasons other than TVism then it works but

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feel no need to go on discussing the subject into the small hours which is what a lot of TVs seem to like to do to the complete boredom of their long suffering spouses. Perhaps I have become more mellow and rational in my approach to dressing up. I tell about another time, but in re- sponse to my questions to the woman who ran the establish- ment as to whether my TVism would abate as I got older, she opened ominously, "Ach! You vil get verse, moch verse as you are getting older, Ja! You are getting older, Ja!" (She hailed from Berlin and probably used to be a prostitute but was then quite elderly) Anyway, Madam, if you are still listening out there, I don't think I hav got 'verse' at all; I'm not as pre- occupied with the whole rig- marole as I used to be but only modicum less, mind you.

a

We have very good TV friends who are married to same and tolerant women and if I believed in blessings I would shower them with such in capital letters! Occasionally I go out to buy the Sunday papers en femme,

but feel I'm absolutely daft to do so. In any one one year I am well known to some 100 or so students who are the worlds most ubiquitous people and all I'm short of is to drive into a police road block one night, a thing becoming increasingly more frequent in this city I live in. But it seems a pity to end on such a gloomy note. We are going to a party at D and R's place tomorrow night and it is highly improbable that there will be a road block on the way We are both looking forward to it.